I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
