This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
