i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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