Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
