After last night, I could never be a politician.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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