I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
