I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
