I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Enjoy the penises
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
