the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
