I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
