i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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