Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
