Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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