as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
