I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
