I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
