How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
