Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
