we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
