i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
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