his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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