I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
as a side note pls kill me
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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