Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
