Sponge bath it is.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
