Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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