it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
