we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
