I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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