I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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