i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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