I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
