did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
