Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
