..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
