What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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