Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
