do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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