You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
