It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
