Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
