My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
