Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
