they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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