am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
