The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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