I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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