dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
