Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
