"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
