he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
