I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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